Friday’s Rugby Information? Its lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!
Friday’s Rugby Information.
Welcome one, welcome all, good morning, good night and simply plain ol’ g’day from the Ponderosa! It’s Friday Rugby Information time as soon as once more, the place final week’s delusions are this week’s confusions.
Right this moment I pay homage to Worldwide Jackie Chiles day and kick off with ‘Outrageous: The King is Useless, Practically’. Get the Prozac prepared with ‘Egregious: The Sky is Falling Once more for the First Time’. Put the Akubra to at least one aspect & ponder this week’s winners & losers in SRP Spherical #14 with ‘Prephossterous: Cash for Nuthin’ & Your Ideas for Free’. And say goodbye to this week’s mundania with ‘Friday’s Goss with Hoss‘ now proudly sponsored by ‘Australia’s Fats Males’s Outfitters’, Rutherford & Heatherbrae, ‘the place your girth is housed by tweed’ (inform ’em ‘Hoss’ despatched you and obtain an additional 18% surcharge).
OUTRAGEOUS: THE KING IS DEAD, NEARLY.
Sadly the information has been ‘confirmed’. The King of Australian #7s, the Wallabies longest serving skipper, Tahs talisman and common rugby legend, King Michael Hooper asserting that this might be his final yr in SRP and by default, seemingly his final residence recreation within the Sky Blue of God’s chosen ones subsequent week in Sydney (might need to wander down the M1 for the match and some drinks, a tear or two and some drinks extra).
stuff.co.nz studies:
‘Hooper is nearing the tip of a 5 yr contract and although the 31 yr outdated is unsure about the place, or if, he’ll play subsequent yr, he has knowledgeable NSW Rugby he is not going to be persevering with in Tremendous Rugby.‘
Hoops has been rested for this week’s match in opposition to the Crusaders and can return to his farewell residence recreation with the Tahs subsequent week in opposition to rugby’s equal of Monopoly, ‘go previous ‘go’ & gather 5 factors’, Moana Pasifika.
The SMH additionally studies:
‘Waratahs bosses are quietly making ready to pay tribute to Hooper at residence subsequent week with a modest post-game presentation, and can market the sport as an opportunity for NSW supporters to farewell the person who has performed 139 video games for NSW since 2012, and skippered the workforce to a Tremendous Rugby title win in 2014.’
Say what you’ll, Hoops has given his all to the trigger over greater than a decade, is vastly revered by his friends he’s performed with and in opposition to and whether or not it’s an Olympics program with the Aussie 7s, the seduction of the yen or the pursuit a baguette or two within the south of France, he has greater than earnt the proper to exit as he sees match.
Go properly Michael Hooper, and thanks for all the things you have got given to rugby in Oz. You’re a champion in each sense and deserve no matter rewards await. I worry we might all endure from ‘don’t know what you’ve acquired until it’s gone syndrome’ once you do name time.
Sigh.
EGREGIOUS: THE SKY IS FALLING AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME.
If I needed to really feel depressed I’d think about I used to be a Kiwi with twin citizenship, or a Victorian and a referee as properly! I’m beginning to weep now simply enthusiastic about all of it. However what a fully miserable week for the common OuncesRugby fan, now we have simply endured. Relying on which G&GR podcast you take heed to or what Wayne ‘Yoda’ Smith article you learn on the SMH, Tremendous Rugby is lifeless!
By no means thoughts, now we have two weeks left and with jockeying for last rankings within the high #4 nonetheless to play out and a complete of 5 groups, sure 5 groups, battling to safe seventh & eighth spot, with MP being the solely workforce fully out of finals competition. So right here we’re at Spherical#14 with a complete of 5 of the underside ranked 6 groups nonetheless mathematical ‘possibilities’ of filling positions 6 to eight, but by some means, someplace, rugby pundits are already declaring the colourful, beating coronary heart of SRP to truly to be a chilly, lifeless corpse.
Give me a break!
Rugby is a enterprise, pure & easy and to that finish the solely enterprise that issues this yr is the enterprise of successful the World Cup. So sure, groups the place at all times going to shuffle the enjoying decks with ‘relaxation’, ‘rotations’ & ‘freshening up’ of these gamers of nationwide curiosity. Did the golf equipment at all times get the timing proper of those ‘relaxation’ intervals? Hell no, however I believe it was at all times going to be a slipshod juggling act. Go ‘early’ and also you danger fractured momentum and the ‘pack’ getting forward of you. Go ‘late’ and also you additionally danger disrupting momentum and treasured ladder positions. Someplace on this ‘Goldilocks’ course of was the ‘excellent’ place and for mine that was 1 or 2 gamers out per week, per Ozzy workforce, over the course of the season. However that’s straightforward for me to say. I’m not a coach trying to solidify their very own roles, or a participant up for contract renewal or an organisation trying to appeal to/retain sponsors.
Who amongst you’ll give a flying fig that the Ponies shat the mattress in opposition to the Farce if the Wallabies win the World Cup? Equally, who will bear in mind the Ponies received SRP if we lose a handful of Wallabies to harm & fatigue from not resting them throughout SRP, and in consequence are despatched packing early within the RWC? May the SRP competitors be higher, expertise extra evenly unfold and improved normally? Hell sure! However are there not additionally talks a few ‘fee’ & a ‘draft’ occurring within the background as we communicate (admittedly discussions appear considerably prickly between RA & NZR in accordance with the NZ Herald).
SRP isn’t an ideal merchandise, by no means was, by no means might be. However this dross about ‘followers being disrespected’ & ‘half time followers not speaking about SRP’ is overly simplistic and pessimistic and, for mine, it’s manure of the best high quality. Prefer it or detest it, the one pursuit that issues this yr ends in Paris in October. Every little thing else is solely drunken fumbling behind the ute, it’s OK, however you need extra, far more.
PREPHOSSTEROUS: MONEY FOR NOTHIN’ & YOUR TIPS FOR FREE.
Terrific article by Mr Billy Nathanson on rugby.com.au about your workforce’s final two video games & the twists, trials & tribulations they face of their race for the ultimate 8. I do know, he should’ve had a workforce assist him write it.
As for this weekend’s groups, occasions & protection, rugby.com.au has all the main points.
Friday 26 Could 5:05 pm AEST – Highlanders v Queensland Reds at Forsyth Barr Stadium, on Stan Sport
ninth (19 factors) v seventh (23 factors). For these in QPRQ, meaning solely 4 factors, or one & a half palms, separating these sides.
For the file, and likewise as a result of the Russell’s Reserve 10yo ‘Reserve’ Kentucky Straight Bourbon (are you in search of an ‘Ambassador’?) has kicked in, I just like the Reds, once they’re not enjoying the Tahs or Brumbies. However to win any rugby recreation, you should first win the battle of the ‘Sus scrofa domesticus’, or in ‘Gaggernese’, the battle of the Piggies.
So riddle me this Friday time wasters, can anybody on right here see Messers Peni Ravai, Matt Faessler, Zane Nonggorr outpointing Ethan de Groot, Andrew Makalio, Jermaine Ainsley? Effectively aside from ‘Sergeant Schultz’ Matty Faessler anyway, who I’ve almost beginning in Orange later this yr, actually as a bench participant at the least. The Communists locks and loosies are a greater unit for mine, the backs are pretty even, but when the Commies don’t get parity up entrance, the remainder will rely for nought.
So for all of that, the place do I land? I land on JOC2.0 (half his luck, too). He’s the distinction for mine. If the ‘Sus scrofa domesticus’ can get something approaching parity the Reds will win, simply, and their season and their future stays theirs to regulate.
Fearless Prediction: Communists by 4.
Friday 26 Could 7:35 pm AEST – Melbourne Rebels v Western Drive at AAMI Park, on Stan Sport
eleventh (16 factors) v eighth (22 factors).
Nonetheless quite a bit to play for on this one with the Drive aspect having their nostril in entrance on the ladder within the battle for eighth spot, however the Rebs are nonetheless an out of doors probability. With Dr Robbo dominated out for the WA aspect and the data that the Rebs will certainly put all of it collectively sooner or later this season this recreation is principally make or break for each side.
Technically, the Drive gents may lose this match, and ought to outcomes fall their means, nonetheless maintain on to eighth spot. Alternatively, ought to the Rebs win and get a bonus level and outcomes go their means, they may discover themselves one level outdoors the 8. It’s that shut. Who stated SRP is lifeless!
Fearless Prediction: The Scum’s pack to be the distinction. Rebs by 9.
Saturday 27 Could 12:05 pm AEST – Fijian Drua v Moana Pasifika at Churchill Park, Lautoka, on Stan Sport
tenth (17 factors) v twelfth (3 factors)
You’ll be able to almost lower and paste the feedback from Farce v Scum. MP might be dreaming of Mad Monday, the Drua might be praying for ‘beneficial ‘different’ outcomes. Both means, it’s the Drua by loads and for mine, the finals sequence might be that far more enthralling ought to the Drua make the 8!
Fearless Prediction: Drua by 16
Saturday 27 Could 2:35 pm AEST – Crusaders v NSW Waratahs at Orangetheory Stadium, on Stan Sport
2nd (42 factors) v sixth (31 factors)
Tahs Coach Coleman is the solely coach within the historical past of Tremendous Rugby to have a 100% win file in opposition to the Crusaders. Certain, ‘bunny’ is a powerful phrase, however stats don’t lie. Razor Robbo is Coleman’s ‘bunny’ in each sense of the phrase.
The Tahs have approached this match with a smart rotation coverage, with solely three adjustments to final week’s beginning XV. With King Michael staying in Sydney, Will Harris to the pine and Taleni Seu again within the run on aspect. The same old centre pairing of Foketi & Perese are each out injured.
Although enjoying at residence the Saders aren’t with out challenges of their very own, with 34yo ‘Elbows’ Moody dominated out of the remainder of the SRP yr with ankle tendon injury, prompted when Kurtley Beale viciously attacked Moody’s elbow along with his throat a couple of years again, now requiring surgical procedure. Additionally they have various frontline gamers out, like Scott Barrett, who’re both injured or rested. They do, nonetheless, welcome again the honest to middling Hodor Whitelock for this one. One man who doesn’t get the plaudits he deserves and has probably been NZ’s greatest #7 this season is Tom Christie. Understated & underrated, the Tahs will must be switched on and alert to him and nullify ‘Agatha’ accordingly.
Maybe the ultimate phrase ought to go to the most winningest coach in opposition to the Crusaders within the historical past of Tremendous Rugby ever, Gary Coleman: ‘now we have chosen the strongest attainable workforce we will and are going there to win’.
Fearless Prediction: What he stated. Tahs by 8. Lengthy might 100% final!
Saturday 27 Could 5:05 pm AEST – Blues v Hurricanes at Eden Park, ad-free, on Stan Sport
4th (38 factors) v fifth (37 factors)
Cracking contest with actual ramifications for not solely the ultimate high 4 placings when the Tahs win and the Brumbies (you’ll simply need to learn beneath), but in addition probably for internet hosting a house semi-final.
I’ve one tip that I reckon is true for positive. It is going to be ‘Forrest Gump Rugby’: Run Forrest, run. I can see this being maybe one of the crucial frenetic video games of rugby all yr and when it’s all executed, maybe additionally the longest ‘ball in play’ stat for this yr’s SRP as properly. I have to admit ‘I’m additionally wanting ahead to the Choat v Kirifi, plus Sotutu v Savea battles. Win these particular person contests, you win the sport.
The Blues are lacking Beaudie Barrett who limped off final week in what seemed like a sock stuffed with cab sauv in opposition to the Reds. That apart, they nonetheless have have energy, electrical tempo and aptitude of their backs and in Zane Sullivan maybe additionally probably the most constant and longest kicking recreation in SRP.
Fearless Prediction: Nice recreation for the impartial to observe I reckon & a detailed run factor, however Blues by 3.
Saturday 27 Could 7:35 pm AEST – ACT Brumbies v Chiefs at GIO Stadium, on Stan Sport and 9 Community
third (41 factors) v 1st (50 factors)
Nice method to end spherical 14 of SRP with the conflict of the every nation’s competitors heavyweights.
I known as it final week once I stated I reckon the Ponies had fluffed their strains with mass ‘resting’ of gamers and so it proved with them getting ‘pantsed’ in Perth. Simply what impression that may have on cohesion & confidence might be sorely examined by the competitors entrance runners on Saturday evening in Canberra. The Brumbies are primarily ‘Wallabyesque’ of their run on aspect. Equally, the Chuffs have a plethora of Nearlies of their first XV.
In an attention-grabbing transfer and to a pointer that Chuffs coach expects a kicking based mostly recreation for the Ponies, Damian ‘Bon Jovi’ McKenzie has been picked to start out at #15.
Each side have world class entrance rows. Each side have massive, skilful locks with massive engines. Each side have abrasive and confrontational loosies. Each side have high quality halves and whereas I’m an enormous fan of Ryan Lonergan, the Ponies will miss Nic ‘The Lip’ White. Each side have fast, expert outdoors backs with good kicking video games. In reality it’s extraordinarily troublesome to separate these sides wherever throughout the paddock.
So, the place does the distinction lay? For me the sport might be determined by the respective benches and it’s right here that………………………….
Fearless Prediction: It’s the bench the place the Ponies have an edge, not a giant one, however large enough once they’re at residence. Ponies by 6.
FRIDAYS GOSS WITH HOSS.
Yanks hate Kiwis too!
ABC information has extra.
Better Expectations?
Good learn from SMH from Eddie being Eddie. Love his bit about he took such a ‘haircut’ on his English wage that he’s ‘almost a volunteer with RA’. However it was the bit about lifting gamers’ expectations and the character of Australian sport that resonated with me.
Massive Willy required!
Contemporary from one other title win with La Rochelle & one other MotM efficiency in a last as well, can there be any doubt Massive Willy Skelton has a spot already booked for the Pageant of the Gilbert? Will the Gateau Legislation keep at 3 picks is the one actual query? Will, QC &…………………..
Two no’s = ‘sure’ proper?
In one of the crucial excellent backflips seen since Nadia Comăneci on the 1980 Olympics, the Brumbies have ‘formally clarified’ their place on the John Farnham referendum, from ‘nothing to see right here, transfer alongside’ to ‘we imply we have been no to the no place, so due to this fact now we have at all times been a ‘sure”. Proper.
Name me a cynic, however do you sniff participant revolt or sponsorship pressures? I hark again to final Friday’s Rugby Information and ask once more why all of the hurrumph and fanfare to return out and say for the file, ‘we’re Switzerland and don’t have any official place’. However per week later, race backwards throughout the gymnasium mat, launch skyward, knees tucked, arms akimbo, with a fast reverse rotation and hope to ‘plant’ the touchdown whereas hoping no person seen any of it? The choose from the Hunter provides them an ideal #10 for such a complete backflip and a minus #68 for needing to do one within the first place!
Take a look at the backflip from ‘Brumbies Media’ right here
Brian & The Shag.
Not solely the identify of a 70s ‘grownup flick’ I simply by no means need to see (there’s just a few issues you’ll be able to’t ‘unsee’) but in addition the battle of two of the higher coaches to have ever carried a clipboard.
Australia Eddie Jones & The Darkness’ Steve Hansen lock horns this Sunday, NSW time, at Twickers with EJ’s BaaBaas to tackle SH’s ‘World XV’. Aside from being sensible coaches, they’re additionally grasp media manipulators and the times main up have been ‘full noise’ and lots of a chuckle (see the SMH hyperlink above for some traditional Eddie). The edges chosen ain’t half unhealthy both! In a prelude to a French Kiss, Jones has Cooper & Kerevi staring and European legend, Will Skelton on the pine. Whereas Hanson has, amongst others, ‘The toaster with the mosta’ Mr Israel ‘Dusty Springfield’ Folau , Harry ‘What contract’ Hockings, Nick ‘The Bovine Sprinkler’ Phipps and Reds Tahs legend Rob ‘Gene’ Simmons among the many Aussies concerned.
Given the whisper rising to a roar concerning the pending demise of London Irish up north, perhaps Simmons & Phipps may even be auditioning for a return to SRP. What guess the Farce’s ears would possibly prick up?
rugby.com.au has the workforce particulars.
Dr wants a Dr.
Horrible information out of WA this week and no, it’s not pressured migration, however as an alternative Dr Tom Robbo has executed an ACL, his season and his RWC possibilities torn with it. In what might be little consolation I had him on the aircraft given his skill to play each side of the scrum. Plus his kind merely demanded he be a vacationer.
From all of us on G&GR, go properly Robbo and we will’t wait to see you again on the paddock, even when in a Farce jumper.
Wells Fargo delivers once more.
Massive shout out to Drive skipper Michael Wells (‘Fargo’) on his one centesimal SR recreation this weekend. One other of these gamers who at all times delivers, at all times provides his all and by no means performs a foul recreation, however but not often will get the accolades he deserves? Now along with his 4th SR aspect, the Drive skipper will run out this week for his one centesimal Cap and a victory for one in all rugby’s good guys.
Go properly Fargo & congratulations.
Till subsequent week, what number of of you clicked on the ‘Jackie Chiles’ hyperlink?
Go the Tahs & BaaBaas.
Hoss – out