Ultimate Rugby Information of 2023…. severely although…

Ultimate Rugby Information of 2023…. severely although…

Guten abend, fellow GAGRs. Effectively, we’ve reached the finale of the season. There will probably be no extra information articles till a minimum of mid-January! Service will resume as regular nearer to the beginning of the Tremendous season in early February, although the odd article could drop within the interim if certainly one of us Craparazzi is feeling bored…. or within the doghouse with the missus… 😬

At present’s information come from the Inbred Apple Isle and the desk of KB. While I nonetheless have your consideration, thanks to KB, AllyOz, Moaning Expat, ParForCourse, MackHath (hope I didn’t miss anybody…) and all you commenters, frequent or in any other case, for contributing within the post-season for GAGR. It’s been a bloody ripper few weeks with some high quality stuff. Cautious although otherwise you’ll cop a “Kurtley Beale on for debut after Drew Mitchell’s “damage”” faucet on the shoulder…

In gentle of the season playing around, the Craparazzi put collectively a little bit track for you all… dunno who this Straight No Chaser group is….



I used to be impressed studying Alley Oz’s magnificent piece final Thursday to revisit a really temporary remark I made about our recreation a number of months again. I performed within the 70s and 80s. Our membership was all the time nicely served by some improbable coaches and our coaching periods have been structured on very related strains to these described by AO. Even with the comparatively light-weight pack we had, a give attention to approach and superior health noticed us by means of to wins on a couple of event. It was additionally positively video games inside video games. The forwards had the personal battles at scrum, line out, ruck and maul. These contact areas bore no resemblance to their modern-day counterparts which, in my view, are a canine’s breakfast by comparability. The backs have been allowed to play unencumbered by lumbering forwards getting of their manner. It was a real contest between assault and defence. They’d their very own strikes off of set play however principally performed heads up, off the cuff rugby. The sport flowed.

Since these heady days, my oh my how the sport has modified. A gradual course of inevitably resulting in professionalism however has it been a change for the higher. Definitely there have been advantages not least in offering monetary safety for the participant however at what price. As a substitute of groups and gamers with identification and character we’ve got a recreation that’s quick turning into homogenous.

Sadly, I really feel that life is being strangled out of our recreation. Leaving apart the problem of officiating, overuse of the TMOs, water breaks and many others. I’m discovering video games turning into more and more troublesome to look at therefore the titled of this piece.

I recall, an excellent few years again now, watching a recreation between the Brumbies and the Sharks in Canberra. They have been 1 and a couple of on the ladder and on the time have been lauded for his or her operating recreation. Each groups have been so afraid to lose the match, which ought to have been a traditional, however was a recreation of aerial ping pong. By the tip of the sport the stats confirmed that each groups had kicked over 40 occasions every. The ultimate rating, who cares it was bat shit boring. A development had been set. Groups have gotten so afraid of dropping that their first precedence is to defend. Their finest technique of assault is to kick within the hope of making use of strain and power an error. Assault the perfect type of defence, no likelihood.

Now I do know we’ve all had these moments while you’re watching your favorite group on the television and you’re feeling so pissed off that you just really feel like choosing up the cat, canine or handy heavy object however not your beer stein and simply hurling it on the display with appropriate expletives. So let’s simply take a look at a number of areas of play that make me need to take part in mentioned object hurling.

As standard it begins up entrance with the scrum. Let’s begin by placing the bloody ball in straight not on the second rows toes. As Nutta will willingly testify, entrance rows will all the time be entrance rows. As masters of the darkish arts they confuse the onlooker, specifically the referump, as to who is definitely making an attempt to exploit that penalty. My quite simple answer. In the event that they need to act like youngsters being chargeable for reset after reset by their antics then deal with them as such by sending each entrance rows for a spell on the naughty bench – in any case there are 6 of them – and produce on a brand new set.

As has oft been mentioned on these hallowed pages the breakdown is a joke with each side offending with impunity. The tried crackdown that kind of began a number of seasons again has turned to water. Come on referumps, injudicious use of the cheese would kind this out. Officiate to the letter of the legislation as a New Years decision.

The maul, which was a real contest for possession isn’t seen, changed by a transferring slug which may solely be stopped illegally. A 20m trundle could float some boats however not mine. What may be completed to stop this eyesore?

As an ex-lock of tender years, the road out was nice enjoyable. Leaping with the surface arm while elbowing you reverse quantity was a given, together with different shenanigans. All that modified with lifting being legalised. We now have a dance with gamers transferring backwards and forwards waving their arms. FFS cease it. It has reached its nadir with the non-contested line out with defending forwards setting as much as forestall the driving slug and the attacking pack transferring to arrange mentioned slug earlier than the ball has left the hookers palms – double banking not us sir.

And as for the caterpillar – ban the fuqer.

As to the backs, we’ll they’re surplus to necessities. Gone are the times of the saying forwards win the match and the backs decide by how a lot. The driving line out maul 5m out is the go-to, with attempt scoring hookers! Nonetheless, I digress. I lengthy for the day after we see a real contest between opposing backlines. Now we’re caught with a defence line of backs and forwards strung out throughout the pitch like outsized sausages ready for the arrival of pods of gamers intent on inflicting GBH on the opposition. On the uncommon event that the backs do get house there may be inevitably a few their teammates in entrance of the passer and receiver creating an obstruction – penalty sir, no likelihood. The peak of ingenuity now appears to be the cross-field kick to a 6ft 5” winger in opposition to a vertically challenged opponent. Thoughts you this mind-blowing tactic is normally on the again of a penalty so it’s value a literal punt – cynic… moi?

I had meant to title this piece Again to the Future however I do know that going again to the nice previous days won’t ever occur. Our recreation has moved on however for the time being I’m afraid that we’re presently caught with a stodgy mess each on and off the sphere. It’s not simply right here however taking place worldwide. We should look forward and with this in thoughts my fellow GAGRians think twice between drinks and give you 3 options on how the sport could possibly be improved, with out making main legislation modifications. Eliminating scrum halves, bizarre hairstyles and the Tahs doesn’t depend.

PS despite my negativity Union is the one ball sport I’ve performed and the one ball sport I’ve watched and can proceed as such till I’m caught in a pine field and burnt. I hope the opposite place has STAN.


So the fixtures for the Tremendous Spherical at AAMI from 3-5 March are out and tickets are on sale. Some good offers available apparently. Simply to recap:

Fri 3 March – Crusader v Highlanders adopted by Rebels v Hurricanes
Sat 4 March – Moana Pasifica v Chiefs adopted by Fijian Drua v Tahs
Solar 5 March – Blues v Brumbies adopted by Pressure v Reds

An important lengthy weekends leisure beckons. I’ve it on good authority from Charlie that there are a great deal of place for pre-match consuming and eating. I sampled one such venue in his firm in Docklands that was fairly good. So my fellow GAGRians have a suppose and if you can also make the journey down south, if just for one night, for Boys and Women on Tour.


So with that in thoughts and rising like a phoenix from the ashes of an article I penned again in October, no tour can be full with out its tour programme. I’ve put collectively my very own pen portraits of fellow GAGRians I’ve met and whose firm and free drinks I’ve loved and added a number of extra names for individuals who expressed an curiosity in becoming a member of this august physique again in October. Some particulars are lacking, and a brand new identify added following his elevation to the ranks of the GAGR Craparazzi – that’s you Moaning Expat.

Nutta (1) – with a reputation like that might solely be a prop. Blotted his copy e book by taking on the darkish artwork of referumping. A poacher turned gamekeeper who faces expulsion from the Entrance Row Union and a big high quality paid to squad members within the type of alcohol. New to the artwork of reffing he should get out of the behavior of exacting private retribution on offenders. Come on man it’s what the whistle and people colored bits of paper in your pocket are for.

Moaning Expat (2) – nominated by me.


Brisneyland Native (4) – A big man who beneficial properties velocity by coming in off a future up. Troublesome to cease as soon as he will get up a head of steam.

The Mayor (aka Butz) my article my guidelines (5) 1.96m of prime English beef. As soon as a lithe all motion athlete now an Acropolis solely match for a pot roast. Famed for having brief arms however extraordinarily lengthy pockets, in the case of getting a spherical in by my fellow GAGR writers. It’s a lie I inform you and have the photographic proof to show it. Declare to fame, mooning a coach load of French woman college students on the way in which to Paris for the ultimate of their membership championship again within the 80s. Sadly, the women didn’t reciprocate.

Ally Oz (6) – 6’5” in his RM Cuban heels. Began life in The Different Sport the place he was as soon as described within the native press as “doing his finest work in tight play” which might have been a praise if he had been enjoying rugby however in League parlance meant “will truck it up the center and can sort out you if you happen to run straight at him”. Any resemblance between AO and that former nice League participant and code changer Sam Burgess is only coincidental.

KARL (7) – what extra can I say. From the Land of the Lengthy White Cloud and so as to add insult to damage one other bloody referump. The poor man’s Sir Rutchie nicely skilled in getting into from the aspect. Admitted to GAGR solely on the grounds of cultural range.

Hoss (8) – a real wordsmith Shakespeare, Tolstoy and George Martin rolled into one and to see him within the flesh you’ll perceive why. Used to chop a dashing determine however has now gone to seed.

Yowie (9) – Mr Versatility personified. Insists he began life as an 8 however all that modified when he discovered to stroll. Nonetheless fancies himself as a dynamic again rower however at 1.8m and 50kg moist was laughed out of courtroom. Provided to revert to six however unwilling to just accept a number of weeks on the rack and a strict food regimen of pies. Simply must develop a bushy slug over his prime lip, work on his communication expertise and the 9 place is his. It’s that or water boy. Different declare to fame, physique double for Chewbacca within the Star Wars franchise (he stored the swimsuit) however solely from the waist up.

Lacking Hyperlink (10)

Dally M (11) – has a namesake well-known in each codes. Claims to have by no means made a foul move, missed a sort out or dropped the ball in A grade rugby which is hardly stunning since he’s by no means performed there.

Adrian (12)

Timbo (13)

Damo (14)

Charlie McKay (15) – an alleged operating full again. Who’s he kidding. One take a look at him and he has hooker written throughout him. Throws the ball in higher than Folau Fainga’a and a contact kick that makes Spanners seem like Dan Carter. And bugger me one other bloody referump. A minimum of we’ve got defence, prosecution and decide sorted for the gamers courtroom. One among 4 brothers who when dad is added could possibly be equivalent quins. If you happen to’re in search of a squat, highly effective however hairless entrance 5 they’re it. Good consuming firm.

Subs: identify yourselves!

Group Coach – Dr Evil rejected by the Cleaning soap Dodgers and jumped at our supply of a pub Parma and a schooner of XXXX. The job is his however will probably be topic to a efficiency evaluation.

Waterboy and video guide – Rassie Erasmus. Sufficient mentioned.

Group Masseuse and Sports activities Psychologist – The Mayoress – accepted the job underneath sufferance stating “it will be nice if you happen to have been all younger, match and ripped”, nonetheless is ready to just accept giant portions of gin and a blindfold in recompense.

So come on and be a part of the occasion. The group is lacking a number of gamers and a bench of replacements/finishers!